School Year 2015

It's that time of year again. The boys are starting another year of school. The tears start to build up and my throat gets all hoarse. I'm proud of each of them. I know they are growing. It's the simple fact that this... this is a tangible way of seeing that growth. Knowing that yes, they will always be my babies but not, all at the same time.

I remember the first day of school. Every year my Mom would cry. She'd take us to the bus stop and cry and wave and hug herself. I was always so embarrassed, just like all the other kids with their mom. And now. Now friends, I am that Mom. I drive my kids to school and wave and hug myself. I high-fived myself mentally for making it out of the drop off line before the tears started streaming down last year. I also forgot to wear waterproof mascara. I definitely scared some of the kids waiting for the bus. That at the time, and a little now, made me laugh. Then I started crying more.

My hubby, told me that every year it would get a little bit easier. I'm totally throwing the BS flag on that. I know the boys are in good hands. I know that they can't really get that lost, yeah there is a story behind that. I know the littlest will have big brother(s) to protect and guide him. It's not any of that. It's the growing up. It's the letting go. It's the little baby that I still see being rocked to sleep. It's seeing my little boy by a hug building with a backpack on that weighs more than him waving goodbye to me.

Letting go of the most precious gift I have ever been given. Letting go of trying to protect them each from the fears and worries that they have for the year. Maybe I have been watching Disney movies to much, specifically 'Frozen'. Let It Go!

So this year. I will remember to wear waterproof everything, or maybe just ditch the makeup. I will smile and hug the day and put on that brave face for the boys. I will not call the school to find out if they are okay. The boys not the school. I will remember the struggles that I had and thank God I have boys and not girls. Girls are meeeean. I will say a prayer, send good vibes, do a happy dance for all those teachers that will play a part in our children's education.

Rian

My teacher’s name is:  Mrs. R

Grade:  Kindergarten

My school’s name is:  :)

My favorite color is: Black

My favorite food is:  Banana or watermelon

My favorite book is:  Toad and Frog

My favorite song is:  Let it Go

I want to be a: Doctor

Things I’d like to learn:  Math skills

My favorite subject is:  Art

My favorite movie is:  Frozen

I’m most excited about: That I got Mrs. R

My favorite sport is:  Baseball

Louis 

My teacher’s name is: Ms B

Grade:  3rd

My school’s name is: :)

My favorite color is: Green

My favorite food is:  That's a tough one... Spicy chicken

My favorite book is: One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish

My favorite song is: Cruise

I want to be a: Artist

Things I’d like to learn:  How to make a fortune cookie... like origami.

My favorite subject is: Art

My favorite movie is: Transformers

I’m most excited about: My new teacher and making new friends.

My favorite sport is:  Baseball

Samual

My teacher’s name is: Ms G

Grade: 4th

My school’s name is:  :)

My favorite color is: Orange

My favorite food is: Meatloaf

My favorite book is: Diary of a Wimpy Kid series

My favorite song is: My Ant Came Back

I want to be a: Farmer, Fire fighter, Yarn shop owner, Veterinarian

Things I’d like to learn: More information about animals and how to take care of them.

My favorite subject is: Art

My favorite movie is: Pokemon the movie

I’m most excited about: See my friends

My favorite sport is: Baseball

ABCs of Me

There are a few blogs out there that I follow and they have done this super fun post on the ABCs of Me. Basically each letter describes a little something something about them. So I'm going to play along too!

A~ age: 29

B~ birthday: April

C~ chore I hate: Laundry. It never ever ends.

D~  drink: COFFEE

E~ eyes: Hazel, please note this is not brown! Whenever I fill paperwork out and I put hazel people always seem to think this color is brown. It is in fact not. It's shaded green.

F~ favorite color: Coral, pink, blue, gray, black, purple, green, red... I love colors! I guess if I had to pick coral would be my top though.

G~ gent: My bestest friend, rock, outdoors-man hubby Josh.

H~ hobby: Triathlons, crafting, camping

I~ indulgence: Reading. I love new books!

J~ job: Manager

K~  kids: Samual, Louis, Rian, Baby L and two fur babies Cooper and Lilly

L~ love: Rainy days; cuddling up with a cup of coffee and reading a book.

M~ music: ALL OF IT! Music is fantastic.

N~ nickname: AJ, A, neither of them are really used though... I'm that one friend that you can't quite get a nickname for.

O~ one wish: To travel. I want to see places. I would love to visit other countries Ireland is the top of the list.

P~ pet peeves: The noise that is made with silverware scrapping against teeth.

Q~ quote: Brave on the rocks. -Sabrina Ward Harrison

R~ residence: My heart will always be in Oregon.

S~ siblings: Sam, Shannon, Wayne and Alan

T~ time I wake up: It depends on if it's a work day. Sometimes I get up when hubby leaves, 2am. Other times when I am getting up to run it's around 5am. If I sleep in then we are up at 6:30 or 7am.

U~ university: Currently taking classes from Harvard.

V~ vegetables I dislike: ... I don't know that I've had a vegetable I don't like.

W~ worst habit: Dissing myself. 

X~ x-rays: Ankle and wrist

Y~ yuck: The smell of milk sippy cups that you find behind the couch a week later.

Z~ zoo: ZEBRAS. I love zebras.

Annoying Parent Questions/Comments

I have this list of annoying questions/comments that run through my head as a parent. Typically when another parent is standing by me and one of these questions gets asked they sort of do the eye roll with me so I know that other parents are annoyed with them too.

1. Are you done? I have yet to figure out how to answer this one. Maybe we are maybe we aren't. Maybe we want 20 kids, we don't. BUT it literally doesn't involve you. If I answer yes or no what comment are you going to make to follow that up with?

2. Do you know how this happens? Ha ha you are funny. No, please enlighten me. The fact is hubby and I know and apparently we are really good at it so shove off.

3. Are you going to try for a girl? Prepared to have your eyeballs scratched out. Yes, I would have loved a little girl, it wasn't in the cards. Are you still trying to loose that extra 20 lbs? Oh, sore topic huh. 

4. You look good for having three children. If these were in order this would be my personal top annoying comment. It's like saying "Oh, you look good for having an alien attack you". It's a compliment without being a compliment. Shut your face.

5. You know you can adopt. Really. The thing is to make this comment you need to know that you know nothing about us. So let me give you a little info, we are in the midst of adopting. We are a part of a non-for profit organization for foster children. This comment, whether we are able to adopt or make babies is a pretty harsh statement. My only advise is you should not talk.

6. Were they all planned? Well let me show you a diagram of how my reproductive organs had it plotted out. The thing is I also feel like this is a pretty rude question friend or foe. Did you plan on growing up and making rude comments or did it just come naturally to you?

7. Why didn't you use protection? Again, let me show you how my reproductive system works. A, because it's obviously your business. B, if the good Lord wants you to have a baby and you are practicing... you are going to have a baby.

8. Are they all really yours? Well... that one is... I don't know where that one came from... I think that one looks familiar, yep he is ours too... that one keeps showing up to be fed so I guess he's ours too. Yes, they are all ours. And I'm going to over look the fact that you chose to use the word 'really' in that question.

9. You have how many in your family? So you can't count? I realize our society is all about having one child, I personally think, if at all possible you should have at least two. Siblings are the best/awful. The fact is though big families are the bees knees.

10. Do they have the same Dad/Mom/parents? Yep, I have been asked this. I would like to take this time to tell you how ignorant this question is. No matter what blood runs through their veins they have the same parents. We, my husband and I are their "real" parents. We feed, cloth, bath, go to every sporting/school/scouting/extracurricular event, kiss every boo-boo, loose sleep over, cry over, laugh over and love them unconditionally. You're welcome I didn't slap you. This question... should really just be stricken out of any questions ever asked.

Disciplining Children in Public

Recently I had a chat with a good friend of mine. We were chatting about how parenting in our society... well... sucks. Here's what we came up with in a nut shell.



1. If I'm disciplining my child I do not need your glare.
 Whether we are in public or at home our children need to behave. Consistency is sort of a big deal with parenting, no I'm not the best at it. But by George if we are in public and they are acting up I will discipline them if needed.

2. If I'm not disciplining my child I do not need your glare.
  Maybe I have an idea of what's going on a little better than you do. Maybe I have a plan. Back off.

3. If you are not a parent, no you do not know, do not "assist" with your comments.
 This is not your area of expertise, it just isn't. Just don't you are literally making yourself look like an ass. 

4. If you don't have kids, I'm not asking you to have them.
 Just because you don't have kids does not mean I look down on you or expect you to have kids. I ask in return that you don't look down on me for having kids or expect me to take your rude comments. 

5. I deserve dinner/movie/going out in public too.
  Yes, I take the boys to dinner and movies and out in public. No, they don't always act great.
- Eating out. You want me to leave because they aren't acting good. The truth is I want you to leave because you are a horrible example of an adult.
-Movies. I don't take the boys to movies that are rated above PG sometimes PG-13, depending. I usually don't go in the evenings BUT GASP we also have lives so yes sometimes we go out at night. I also thinks it's rude to talk in movies and play on your phone, maybe you shouldn't go to the movies.
-Being in public. Kids do act up but sheltering them from never going and experiencing new things is a travesty. Get over yourself.

* I recently read The No-Bullsh*t Goody Bag for Parents to Give Out on Planes. It gave me a good chuckle. It actually came up on my FaceBook news feed and the comments that were made on it, priceless.

6. Yes, I can hear/see what my child is doing.
 Maybe I'm ignoring them because I might lose my temper. Maybe I don't think they need to be pestered with. It's not your call. They literally are not hurting you. If you are that sensitive to people maybe you shouldn't go out in public. So stop.

7. Don't discipline them.
 So let me get this straight. You want them to behave but you don't want me to discipline them. BUT when they do act out you are going to be mad that they don't behave. Riiiiggghhhhttt.

8. Kids wrestle.
 They aren't trying to hurt each other... most of the time while wrestling. They wrestle for fun. I'd say boys wrestle each other more than girls but if a girl has a brother she probably knows a good head lock move too. If you don't know this then you should. By know this I mean you should know they like to wrestle and you should know a good head lock move.

9. Each child is different, so is disciplining them.
 Each child is unique. In turn each child will have to be disciplined differently. Just accept this as fact. Some techniques work well with one child and don't with another. Sometimes the method works for a while and then doesn't.

10. Piss off.
 If I'm giving you the piss off look. It literally means piss off. You're either a stranger or a friend. If you are a stranger take this look extremely literally and go away. If you are a friend, the look means I'm at my wits end give me a sec I need to handle this.

Calligraphy

Art touches my soul like nothing else.
I think this is God's special gift to me.
We all get one, this is just mine.
Not that I am good at art, just that I have a special spot for playing with it and viewing it.

I have taken art classes my whole life. I still totally suck at making art but diving in and getting my hands all painted, or playing a riff on the trumpet... a piece of art work makes me smile. 

The art class that I am thinking so clearly of today is calligraphy.
I took it in high school with Ms. Edgington. She has to this day been one of the pickiest teachers EVER. I am so thankful for that though. She taught the basics, refining and honing our skills. Then it was project after project. There's no eraser. We were taught how to make our own ink. Hours of inspecting and picking out just the right tip for our piece. Once a mistake was done you had the option of either being graded down or start over. Our biggest project was a poster with a quote. I don't remember the specifics.
I remember the final outcome though. I wish I still had that poster. It represented so much hard work.

I do know that I finally picked This Day by Audio Adrenaline.

I know that these words were written over and over and over...

It's six A.M
I'm so tired
The alarm sounds
And the new day begins
Before I go
And disturb this peaceful moment
I look to You

I want to say a prayer
Before my feet can hit the ground
Lord I give this day to You

This moment of art meshing together... it makes me smile.
These words.
The music.
The paper matted just so.
The calligraphy formed.

I am thankful for this gift of enjoying art.

Morning...

My mornings. Did you hear the sigh/panic in that?

Here's the deal. My husband goes into work anywhere from 1-6 in the morning depending on what route he has. That means it's just me and the boys in the morning. Unless Daddy-O has a weekday off. When that happens the "routine" that the boys and I have gets blown to bits.

When it's just Mom....
-Everyone's up and going.
-Surprise someone didn't do their homework, mad rush to get it done.
-Someone is hungry, grab fruit.
-Make sure that EVERYONE is up and in fact getting dressed.
-Search for shoes.
-Search for backpacks.
-Get everyone to the car.
-Go unlock the door because someone forgot their backpack and it's library today.
-Hit the road!

When Dad's home though... somehow our "routine" is gone. Perfect example is this past week for summer school. Dad was home on a weekday, so I made sure that Dad was going to be able to take the kiddos in and thus freeing me of morning duty! It's the small things right?! I got the kiddos up and told them Dad was taking them, started the getting ready process. Then I grabbed my coffee and went to my office. Thinking, now Dad's got it from here, go team Launius!.

This is the setting that I get to see ten minutes later as the getting ready is still happening.

Sam is pulling work out of his backpack that he wants to show.
Louis realizes he didn't finish all of his homework.
Rian is singing, "It's swim day" to the tune of "I'm ready" from Spongebob.
Dad is figuring out how to play music from his phone over the bluetooth speaker that he just installed.
No one has brushed their teeth.

Here is where I wanted to say I sipped my coffee and smiled, yes, this is the life. Truth. I did not.

I WENT MOMMA APE SHIT!

Mom:
Sam, come show me your hard work that you did.
Louis, a, d, c.
Rian, go sing to your dad and tell him to get his shoes on.

Sam- This is my science experiment!
Louis- It's math homework though...
Rian- It's swim day! It's swim day! Dad, Mom says to get your shoes on!
Dad- Listen to this!

Again I would like to say I inhaled and smiled and tried again... I did not.
I yelled at my husband to turn that... lovely (I definitely used a naughty word) off, NOW!
Told Louis 12, 0, 8
Brought Sam into the kitchen where he could tell me about the picture that he drew for his science experiment.
And dear Rian just kept singing, It's swim day, it's swim day!

All said and done, I don't think everyone brushed their teeth. The boys were late for school.

And honestly, my husband and I have this day to look back at and laugh about. Although it was probably a good thing that it took him a little while to drop all the kids off.

I hope your morning ran a little soother than ours did. OR if it didn't i hope you have an awesome story to laugh at... in a few hours.

Offering

We recently went on a trip to St Louis. By we I mean my father-in law, sister-in law, her husband, their two kiddos, me and the boys. There are obviously many a tales that could be told from this adventure but the one thing I want to tell you is this.

St. Louis Gateway arch. Great adventure for the boys, should you ever get the opportunity to take a ride up... BOOK YOUR TICKET IN ADVANCE. They will recommend that you get there an hour early... DO IT. Also check both sides of the arch entrance to see what side has a shorter line to get checked in. You're welcome.

Of course once you do go an hour early and realize there is one side with no line and get in and have an hour to noodle around you have a few options. For us the options were museum or gift shop. Me being the great mother tried the gift shop first thinking... "If I have to bribe with taking a gift away, they'll have picked it out, it's in my bag, HA!" Naturally they wanted toys that had nothing to do with the arch and me being the mean Mom made them get something that had some type of any resemblance of arch-ness. Sam got a finger squirrel puppet. Hours of laughter that you have to stick your finger up the squirrel's bum. Thanks to whoever invented that. Louis got a Gateway arch activity book. Rian got a keychain. AND my personal favorite the penny smooching machine. EVERY location should have this machine, period.

Naturally all the boys were threatened with not getting their gifts at some point.

We wondered through the museum. Fun picture taking.

We waited in some lines.

More picture taking.

We rode up in a Star Wars like ship thingy.

We looked out some windows for 15 minutes.

Sam freaked out.

Louis loved it.

Rian was confused.

We rode down the Star Wars like ship thingy.

Mission complete.

On the way out though Rian picked up one of the arch maps that they give out. Naturally this free gift was what sparked his fancy. Loves loves loves this map. He likes to show it to Dad who didn't get to come with us. "See Dad, that's the windows", "There's the arch", "This is what it looks like"... I mean hours of checking this map out. Folding and unfolding. He has spent weeks with this map now.

This past Sunday he took the map with him to church, pick your battles okay. He sat in church just holding it, just so. Towards the end of service the offering is taken. We gave the boys each a coin. Rian held the coin in one hand and the map in the other. You could actually see the debate that was occurring. Should I put this coin in the offering or my map? My map that means so very much to me or this coin that magically comes out of Mom's wallet?

The offering plate came by and sure enough he tried to put his map in. Me being the pesky Mom said no and took the map out and Rian put the coin in.

It's when the offering plate had left that I looked down at Rian and he said "The map meant more to me to give than the coin though".

I'm not sure that I can really add any life thoughts to this moment. When's the last time that I gave something so meaningfully?

A map or a coin. He offered up his map because it meant that much more to him.

I know offerings at church are, lets be honest, annoying at times. There's that weird moment when the person next to you looks to see if you're going to put anything in. There's the dude with the fancy plate that watches you pass it down.

Maybe you don't go to church. Maybe it's just walking into the grocery store and being asked to donate a can of food for a food pantry. Do you do it or just walk by?

Do you offer what means more?

Mom Feud

I have been wanting to write about this for a while now.

I am a momma. This is a title that I am fiercely proud of. I also know that I am still a rookie mom. Here's the thing though. The mom nation that is out there... it is possibly at times worse than mean girls in high school.  

It starts out all nicey nice, oh your pregnant, welcome to the initiation of the mom club.

Then shit gets real, real fast.

Here are your application questions...

One, are you going to breast feed?
Two, are you going to use cloth or throw away diapers?
Three, what is your birthing plan?
Four, what type of pregnancy diet are you on?

Psh you say. I haven't thought about all that yet. You have immediately been thrown out of the 'Over planner mom group'.

If you answer no to breast feeding the mom club that is in full support of breast feeding turns their back.
If you answer cloth diapers you now pushed away from the throw away diapers.
If you answer c-section, all natural, wing it, give me the meds doc birthing plan you are going to be put in one group and shunned from the others.
If you answer I eat what I eat... be prepared to be attacked by the whole foods only, natural food moms.

Yes, these might be a bit drastic... but just wait, that was just the initiation.

Insert here... sometimes you get bumped up in initiation if you have had fertility challenges. There are a whole variety of questions that no one should ever ask that they absolutely will ask you in this initiation. HAVE FUN!

Okay, you made it through initiation with giving birth via 'Give me the meds doc' option. You chose not to breast feed and are using cloth diapers. You even have a healthy baby even though you choose to intoxicate your body with non-organic produce.

You have now officially made the mom club, here is your membership. Your membership includes: becoming a vampire that doesn't sleep during the day, a chef that will be told your food sucks (Chef Ramsey doesn't have poo on disses), a chauffeur with no fancy hat, a maid (they never get paid respect), a finance guru, party planner, psychologist, teacher (it doesn't just happen at school), laundry operator (cause no one knows how to work that thing), manager and CEO! Also we went ahead and sent you an medical bill cause... you'll always have one of those. Congratulations! Welcome aboard.

With that there is just a few more steps of paperwork...
What type of laundry detergent are you going to use? Think about this. Are you going to just put baby's clothes in the laundry with normal Tide or are you going to buy baby detergent and do a separate load?
Since you... chose... to not breastfeed what bottles and formula will you be using?
Are you going to put your baby on a schedule?
Are you going to use the let your baby cry it out method?

You choose to buy baby detergent, because this is your first baby and you think you'll have time for that... KIDDING (but you see where this is going)!
You're using the most expensive formula and Dr. Brown bottles because you feel like a schmuck now for not breastfeeding.
You don't put baby on a schedule. Someone will gasp at you.
You will not let your child cry it out, you aren't a cruel parent. See that comment, just now that you so casually slipped out... did you see it... the mom club is starting to wear on you.

These are all moderately funny albeit oh so very very unfortunately true. There are also sneaky ones that will get thrown in there sometimes too. For now though lets go with this list and move on to where the real meaty feud goes on in the mom club.

You as a new mom club member and are about to embark on the biggest test. No not the will your children go to public school or will they be home schooled (although that test is alive and well too). The test that is more fierce than that...
To work or to stay home.
DUN DUN DUN

The feuds above were just minor league compared to this one. This, this divide, is alive and well in the mom club. Moms who bought canned baby jar food versus processing their own pureed baby food may be on the same side on this feud. It's that big a deal.

No, seriously. There is this running debate/feud/hatred amongst working and stay at home moms. And my dear ladies... it's just getting worse and worse.

So here's the deal. You as a mom club member can either ultimately be in the working mom side or the SAHM (Stay At Home Mom, fancy title, whoop whoop) side.

There are articles out there that working moms have it harder while sahm have it easy. There are articles out there that sahm have it harder while working moms have it sooo easy. There are articles written by working moms completely putting sahm down. There are articles written by sahm that talk about how shameful it is to work as a mother.

Stop.

We are moms. We bore children either physically or carried them in our hearts until delivered to us. We all had to make choices on cloth diaper, sleep or shower, canned or diy. Some of those choices were made specific for one child while it didn't cut it at all with the other. Give a round of applause for one another. Lift that fellow momma up. She did her research, she listened and she did what she needed to for her child, for her family.

I have been on most all sides of these.

I wanted to do a 'give me the meds doc' delivery with all of my children. It worked out with one and he took 36 hours. Yes, I do want a pat on the back for that, thank you very much. The other two were natural. Yes, I do want a pat on the back for that, thank you very much. This one, there are complications. I don't know if I will get to pick. 

I grew up with my brothers in cloth diapers. I knew when I was a mom I would not do it with my children. So I didn't. Bless you out there that are able to.

I was able to breast feed with Sam until I became pregnant with Louis. With Louis he went to the NICU for so long that I wasn't able to continue breast feeding. With Rian I didn't. I got the formula that made him less gassy and bottles that gave an even flow (side note: when I first bought the bottles I thought this was total BS. It's not. Tip from this rookie mom, splurge on the bottles when or if you can).

I went on a anything I can keep down diet. As in... morning sickness will not leave me, I can't keep food down. Peas and corn for Sam and Lou. Bread for Rian. Currently I am snacking on cookies for Baby L.

Laundry detergent, in the beginning I thought I had to do separate loads of laundry, I tried, I then just did it all together. With Louis it was all together. With Rian, I had to be careful, he had sensitive skin, still does. I have to be cautious of what laundry/bath wash/lotion/anything that touches his skin.

I tried to keep as close to a schedule as I could. I did not bet myself up when we didn't though. For example I was happy when we got nights and days back on the right track with the sun and moon.

I did and do let my children cry it out to an extent. You are the mother you will know when enough is enough. You will know when your child is giving you the fake cry vs real cry vs I am exhausted and just want you cry. Although I know some mommas will even disagree with me on that as well.

I planned on being a stay at home momma.
My Mom planned on being a stay at home mom.
My Granma (yes, there is no d in Granma, that's how we say it) planned on being a stay at home mom.
I think all moms can agree, plans change.

I have been on both sides of this cruel demeaning feud that we put on. I have been a stay at home mom. I know what cruel things can be said about a stay at home mom. I know what grueling, thankless hours are put in. I am a working mom. I know what cruel things can be said about a working mom. I know what grueling, thankless hours are put in. We don't know what reasoning one mom has for working or staying at home. Heaven forbid you be a single mom... wait, I was on that side too. I know what cruel, demoralizing, awful things are said about and to single moms. I know what grueling, thankless hours upon hours are put in.

Each one of these has it's pros and cons list. The pros and cons are so different for each family, for each season in a life. Why put so much extra pressure on another mom when surely you know what that woman is up against working or sahm. You know the same battles. You know what it's like to try to say you social security number and jumble it with your child's. You know what it's like to get milk out and put it in the cupboard. You know what it's like to just not have enough time in the day. You know what it's like to have to use your child's shampoo because you ran out of yours and forgot again to get more from the store. You know what it's like to drop the wrong child off at the wrong sport. You know what it's like.... don't you?

Do you know how much more we could be learning from one another? Instead we have chosen to criticize one another about on working or stay home. Saying a working mom is willingly giving up her time to be away from her children for money. How dare anyone say that! Or saying that a stay at home mom is lazy and does nothing while at home. How dare anyone say that!

 I want to say so badly that I quit. I quit the mom club, but I can't. Once you are in you are locked in and no one wants to change that. I do know that I will not stand for this. I will not be part of something that tears us down so much for absolutely no reason. Tear me down to build me up on a stronger foundation, fine. This, this feud that we have created it doesn't help anyone.


You know what it does teach? It's teaching your children how to view other women. It is teaching our young men how to treat stay at home moms or working moms. It is teaching our young women that you can't be worth anything unless you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. This battle, this feud only we can stop it. The reason we can stop it is because we are teaching it, we are passing on the feud to our sons and daughters.

I'm taking my stand. I will teach my sons to respect women and moms for who they are, not the title that the mom club has bestowed upon them.

Oh Boy

A few days ago I wrote about nothing with my Five Minute Friday peeps. Might want to check it out for all this to make since.

This is our fourth pregnancy.

Let me just nip these in the bud real quick. For some reason people take it upon themselves to ask some rather personal questions about pregnancy so I'm going to go ahead and clear those out for you.
- Yes, we know how becoming pregnant happens. No, I don't think it's as funny a comment as you do.
- No, I do not think it's funny when you say I am a baby making factory... it's actually extremely rude.
- Yes, we have more than two children... my goodness thanks so much for making me aware of this.

This pregnancy was as planned for, as any pregnancy really is (I'm not always sure what people want you to respond to when they ask you that either). We did the pros and cons list, made a new budget, realized how crazy we were and put it in God's hands. We prayed, we took test after test, we cried, we took temperatures everyday, we went on specific diets. This pregnancy was... is... we are pregnant soo... was sought after.

We want four children as crazy as that is in a small family world out there. I frankly think it's odd to have an odd number of children, there, how does that make you feel? It's a strange thing to say isn't it?! Big families are okay, there is such a weird taboo out there right now about only having 2.5 babies. I understand that it makes mathematical since... but realistically unachievable. My point here is, getting pregnant a fourth time put me/us in this weird "Oh my lanta, you want children/ You're going to have a big family" category. And... it's hard, that's my point.

We have three outstanding boys. This Momma was really really cheering for a girl. Surprise, we are having a boy. I. Am. Sad. 

Here is where a few things happen by telling you how I really feel about this...

1- You can't have kiddos and you want to scratch my eyeballs out because I have been blessed with four children.

2- You are a mother and you are tsk-tsking at me.

3- You are a father and you are giving me the "Pregnant woman, they are never happy", look.

4- You are not a parent and you are looking at this post and saying, "I don't deserve children".

5- You are a grandparent and are shocked that this younger generation would feel this way.

6- You are a parent with multiples of the same sex children and have been here.

7- You have eleven kids and say "Try again, maybe next time".

8- You, you blessed person out there, are waiting for my reasoning.

Maybe I didn't hit your initial reaction but basically these are the things that I have been up against by saying anything. That I don't love my children, that I don't deserve them, how can I feel this way. Trust me the horrible sayings have been slushing away at me these past few weeks.

Here's the thing. I do care. I do love these boys with a mother's unconditional love. I do love that we have been blessed with this little life. I love each and every child that we have been blessed with. Don't you worry, I doubt my parenting all the time... but I think that's what makes great parents. I am beating myself up because... well, we are always our own worst critic, aren't we?

I am a girl. I wanted to be able to take my daughter to get her nails did. I wanted to be able to pick her up when her first crush hurt her. I wanted to have pink in our house and not have someone laugh because they would know it was mine in a house full of boys. I wanted a relationship with my daughter like I have with my Mom. I wanted to listen to her wedding plans or traveling plans or hopes. I wanted to french braid my daughters hair for a cheerleading competition or volleyball tryouts. I wanted to teach her how to put makeup on. I wanted to see my husband look at his little girl.

I feared getting pregnant again and having a fourth boy. Que all the great comments.
- FOUR BOYS!
- You must have done something in a past life.
- What are you going to do?
- What did you do to deserve that punishment?
- Ha ha ha I knew it.
- Well maybe next time.
- I thought you were supposed to get me a girl.

And so far... humanity has not let me down.

I looked for resources out there in cyber world. Of course I checked WebMD to see if there was some type of imbalance with me, some psychological disorder... apparently no. I googled Moms with boys. I found a few posts but they almost made it worse. Not because they were bad posts but because it would be a momma with one boy and one girl. I checked Pintereset... there are super cute pictures with baby announcements out there for four brothers and a baby sister. I looked on baby groups, you know the websites that you can join to watch your baby grow. You can tell people how you're doing in pregnancy because it is an emotional time and you SHOULD get support. Low and behold there were Mommas on there that were having these feelings about baby number 1, 2, 3... and they were crucified for having these feelings. I sure wasn't about to tell them I was having these feelings on baby 4.

Then I stopped. I let all this sink in... and I felt worse.

I'm a Mom how can I feel this way? I love Baby L and his brothers to pieces. I'm just sad. For the things I will miss and never know. I know that these feeling are not a reflection of my love for Baby L. I should not feel this way.
And on
and on
my days went.

The comments people said just kept coming. I shut down or as my husband phrases it, I put my wall up. I talked to very few people about how I really felt and bless them for being my extra walls when I needed it.

This is sort of my a-ha moment if you will... I listen to a podcast by Tsh, The Art of Simple. Tsh was interviewing Kat Lee from Inspired To Action. To kind of check her out before I hit subscribe I listened to a handful of Kat's recordings. I hit a jackpot though when I listened to the interview with Heather Macfadyen (Mother of four boys). Then I listened to the interview with Jen Murray (Mother of quadruplet boys). Then there was the interview with Brooke McGlothlin (Mother of two boys and author of 'Praying For Our Boys'). Then suddenly there was a search madness happening within me. Heather Macfadyen has her own podcast,God Centered Mom. I was blessed to find the interview Heather did with Ruth Simons (Mother of six boys). I cannot tell you how blessed these podcasts made me feel.

I needed to hear these things. I just needed to know there were Moms out there with more than 2.5 kids. Moms that had multiples of one gender. I needed to know that it was something that people do go through. That I am allowed to feel sad and that it will pass maybe come back every now and then.

I also learned that people are going to judge and they will 'make a fool' of themselves. There is no hiding from that. People will say things that shouldn't be said meaning to or not. We will be criticized for having four children, we will be criticized for having all boys. It's just how it is, unfortunately. This is the battle that is out there. There's a battle for infertile women out there too. There's a battle for the women that don't want children. It's just there. We all have our battles, no one battle is harder or worse than the other. It's just hard.

I write this post because this blog is suppose to catch all the words that are flowing out at once. I write this post because maybe someday some Momma will need to know it's okay too. I write this post because maybe it will stop one of you out there from saying something awful that you really don't think about or never had thought about.

More importantly though, I write this post in hopes that someday my sons will look back and say, "Mom was real with her feelings. I can be strong enough to be real with mine too". One of my greatest hopes to you my sons, is that you will be real with your feelings because that's a battle that the world will set against you too. It will be hard but feel each feeling that God has given to you. Know that your Mom is not perfect. I've been tested to be real and I might have failed there for a while. I put the fake smile on for others only to cry to your Dad or in the shower... or in the doctor's office... or all three. The real truth, you have to be true. It'll be hard but always be you. No matter how many broken steps you have to take to get there. 

I am looking so forward with being trusted with four little boys. Maybe the good Lord really does believe I can raise some spectacular little humans. No. Not just maybe, he knows because the good Lord has blessed my husband and I with three soon... not soon enough... four boys.

That's right a BLESSED, UN-APOLOGETICALLY,  BIG, LOUD, MESSY, ENERGIZED, family with FOUR boys. 

Shenanigans {Snow}

 

We currently have about eleven inches of snow on the ground. Yeah. Snow is making an appearance in our neck of the woods.

As we were driving around we came up with our snow grr list. You know like every time it snows I don't like this...

- How some states frown on how this state shuts down or does not shut down. Here's the thing that Grrrs me... some states naturally get snow often and a lot so they have road equipment to take care of it. When a state gets snow that doesn't get dumped on all the time it takes a while to get everything cleared out. I know this is a simple fact here but for some reason every winter this one never gets thought of until much later.

- First day of snow. Yeah, so winter has been kind and we haven't had to drive around in snow all year and we are getting our snow driving shoes back on. Fine. HOWEVER Grr.  If you know you are going to drive slow and that's fine... DRIVE IN THE SLOW LANE. If you're passing or their is obvious snow obstruction of some sort makes since to get in the other lane. Otherwise scoootch overrr!

- Salt. Coming from a place that didn't get snowed on heavily we didn't have to buy salt to salt places that are more slippery and you want to not be slippery. Salt is an amazing invention and I love using. Except GRRR... when people don't use it. It's there folks sprinkle a little something on the ice already!

- Grr... the snow that falls in between your boot and your pants.

- Grr... the snow that falls in between the back part of your neck and your shirt. Really Double Grr to any snow falling in between the layers of clothing and warm body.

- Again coming from a state that didn't regularly get snow Grr on the ice scrapers that don't have the fancy glove thing attached to it! I used to laugh at that... until I had to start scrapping the car out of ice and snow.

- Grr... on snow in the face.


Don't get me wrong I would gladly take winter days over summer days... I think. I like the bundling up and hot cocoa. Snow gives us some amazing family time.

We had a snow day or two together so our family hunkered down, built a fire in the fireplace and got the air mattress out and watched movies. It's simple pleasures like that that make the Grrs melt away... hopefully melts all that snow away too.

Stay warm!

Shenanigans {A Momma's purse}

This is for that moment when you just need to put your hand in your purse and pull out...  chap-stick, your keys and instead find...

You know you carry a Momma's purse when....
- You dump your purse out and find the majority of your 25lbs. purse to be carrying small cars.
- You want to find your car keys and instead find toy keys... and still try using them.
- You want to grab your debit card and instead pull out a picture that was drawn in church.
- You want to go to grab chapstick and instead pull out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sai.
- You dump your purse out and find the bottom completley littered with cracker morsels or M&M scraps or some sticky substance that you really don't want to know what it is or all three of the above.
- You dive in to grab a tissue and pull out a Toys R Us clipping with toys circled.
- You go to get a wet wipe and instead find a used tissue... cause there wasn't a garbage can and the kiddos  didn't want to carry a used tissue around.
- You go to answer your cell phone and instead have a conversation on the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse phone.
- You go to grab hand sanitizer and instead grab a melted candy bar.
- You go to grab your wallet and find it has been replaced with a pencil box.
- Someone asks for a pen and the only writing utensil that you have is a purple crayon.

I'm sure I'll be adding more to the list soon.

Shenanigans {Dogs}

You may or may not know this but our family are happy pet owners to Cooperton James and Lilly Belle.

Cooper aka our famous dog (No he isn't really famous. For some reason the boys insist that he is.)

Lilly aka Baby Girl (The only other girl in our house besides me.)

We love our puppies, they are most definitely part of our family. This week Ms Lilly went in to the veterinarian to be spayed. This seems like a simple thing but this is where the joy of parenting comes.

1. The explaining of the surgery.

Rian was fine with the 'she is just going in to have a surgery'.
Louis was fine with the  'she is getting fixed so she doesn't have babies'.
Sam however, needed more information.
Why doesn't she need babies? What do they do in the surgery? Why? Why? Why?

As a general rule we try to make information for the boys as age appropriate as possible. Samual has a heart for animals. When he told us that he is going to live on a farm and be a veterinarian... it seems to be a pretty natural decision for him (This reminds me to tell you about "The Knitting Club"). With that in mind we tried our best to explain what was happening. NOT and easy challenge. Where are all the books for this?!

2. The emotional days.

Rian... not biggy.
Louis, tears, sadness.
Sam, tears, sadness, worried.
Dad... meh.
Mom... tears, sadness, worried. HOW THE HECK AM I THIS EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS?!

Here's the thing it's a normal procedure. The problem started when I was comforting the boys. Any Momma's heart breaks when her child's heart is broken. It was a very emotional morning.
THEN
Lilly and I get to the vet's office and they talk me through what is about to happen. I'm fine.
THEN
They tell me that if I need to call and check up on her that I can. PAUSE. Now I'm thinking I'm a horrible puppy Momma 'cause I was not planning on calling to see how she was doing. CONTINUE. They tell me that they will call us after the surgery is done. PAUSE. This is serious.
THEN
They tell me the different pain management options. OUCH.
THEN
Lilly is shaking so bad that they carry her to the back. I stand by the door and look back and the vet assistant waves Lilly's paw.
QUE THE TEARS.

Of course I call my husband. Text back and forth with my BFF.

I feel a little too dramatic.

Then the boys come home and realize that no, Lilly really isn't at home.

QUE more tears.

So this morning I go to pick up Lilly and she was so happy that she peed on me. 
Yeah. It's been a long few days. However. Lilly is home and resting.

These are the shenanigans that have been happening.

Shenanigans {S'more}

Last year I made it a goal to do Two for Twosday and Show and Share Wednesday. Both of them were a blast. This year, I'm going to sort of combine the two into 'Shenanigans'. Crafts, recipes, something really important that I want to share. You just never know what I'm going to post on it.

So to blast this off, one of the Shenanigans that has been going on this Christmas break is (drum-roll) S'more! For Christmas Uncle Wayne got the family a S'more maker! Yeah we are extremely excited about it.

It also brings me to my next Shenanigan thought... not everyone knows about the wonderful world of S'more. I know to us devout S'more makers out there this really makes our hearts sad.

Here is a real quick rundown of a S'more.

Now I don't mean to brag but I may have a thing or two on the S'more making. My family has grown up making S'more on camping trips, bon-fires... really any fire that has been made we make S'more. SO what I am about to share with you might blow your mind, be prepared.

Typically these are the ingredents that you need:

Notice the last ingredient... I was trying to be non brand spesific but I always use Hershey's chocolate. Two things have really upped the preverbial anty in the past few years.

ONE- Use cinnamon graham crackers. I go back and forth on just normal graham crackers and cinnomon crackers.

TWO- Reese's peanut butter cups. TRY IT. IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. Swap out the Hershey's for a Reese's, oh man. It's a whole new level of S'more.

So Go. Go make a S'more with your family! Let me know what chocolate was your favorite OR let me know how you make yours!


Keep calm and S'more on!