Lost

I'm joining in on Lisa-Jo baker's 'Five Minute Friday'.
The rules are pretty simple. One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing.

I am terrible with directions. This is something I know and and at peace with. I would love to tell you from where I stand this way is North, South, East, West but I can't. Unless the sun is specifically setting or rising to one spot or I have been there a gazillion times, I'm poop out of luck.

Our seven year old son has a keen since of direction. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have definitely asked him what way we are supposed to go. He just knows. We'll be riding along and he knows that if we went that direction we would get to his aunts house. It's really hard to surprise him with an after school treat because he knows when we aren't headed in the direction of home.

Bless my husband for the patience that he has with me when I call him and I am lost. I'm pretty positive that I don't tell him thank you for being patient enough with me. I know he has gotten calls where I am litterally in the middle of an anxiety attack lost and not sure how to explain where I am good enough for him to even begin to tell me how to get where I need to go. He hangs in there though, listens to my panic voice and gets me where I need to be.

I am thankful that I get lost. It's given me the ability to find new things. I've learned to be grateful for my husband's patience. I've learned to accept the never ending criticism that goes along with it. I've also learned the feeling of being frantically lost and then the beautiful peace of being found.

Here's to being lost so that you may be found.

{this moment}

{this moment} -  A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

 

{52 Lists} Week 25

Lists, I LOVE lists. I like to write things down on a list so I can see the check mark or line through it. Each week for this year I've been writing a list out on a prompt. I'm hoping over to Paige's site, Moments for the journey, where she has some spectacular prompts for our 52 week lists.

List your childhood memories

*I don't recall the memory but it's a photo. Who knows where it's at now. It was a Polaroid photo. The edges yellowing a bit. I apparently had wanted to go fishing. There in the photo I am all of three years old, in a 100 gallon fish tank, surrounded by gold fish and watching very carefully with a green fish net.

*My fifth birthday for my present I got a Precious Moments Bible and a baby brother. Yep, my brother and I are Irish twins.

*Holidays. Not a specific one, but how special my family treated all the holidays.

*Our apple tree in our backyard. It produced so many apples we have apple everything and still didn't use all of them.

*My sitting tree. The farm that we moved to when I was a little older had this beautiful tree that I loved to sneak out to and just sit. I would read, draw, think, cry, hide, live by that tree as often as possible.

*Camping trips. Our family didn't take fancy trips during the year. But as soon as the weather would allow us to go camping we would.

*S'mores. Always memories with s'mores.

*Beach. Trips to the beach. There have been day trips, weekend trips, week trips... it doesn't matter how long or short... that's where my soul feels free.

*Mountains. Snowboarding and tubing and mountain slides. Always a new adventure.

*Lake trips. We would go canoeing and later add a paddle boat.

*Fishing. Trout, salmon, sturgeon, crabbing and clamming. They were all little seafood that we would go for.

*Star gazing. Mom always wanted to go for a ride in the summertime to look at the stars.

Morning...

My mornings. Did you hear the sigh/panic in that?

Here's the deal. My husband goes into work anywhere from 1-6 in the morning depending on what route he has. That means it's just me and the boys in the morning. Unless Daddy-O has a weekday off. When that happens the "routine" that the boys and I have gets blown to bits.

When it's just Mom....
-Everyone's up and going.
-Surprise someone didn't do their homework, mad rush to get it done.
-Someone is hungry, grab fruit.
-Make sure that EVERYONE is up and in fact getting dressed.
-Search for shoes.
-Search for backpacks.
-Get everyone to the car.
-Go unlock the door because someone forgot their backpack and it's library today.
-Hit the road!

When Dad's home though... somehow our "routine" is gone. Perfect example is this past week for summer school. Dad was home on a weekday, so I made sure that Dad was going to be able to take the kiddos in and thus freeing me of morning duty! It's the small things right?! I got the kiddos up and told them Dad was taking them, started the getting ready process. Then I grabbed my coffee and went to my office. Thinking, now Dad's got it from here, go team Launius!.

This is the setting that I get to see ten minutes later as the getting ready is still happening.

Sam is pulling work out of his backpack that he wants to show.
Louis realizes he didn't finish all of his homework.
Rian is singing, "It's swim day" to the tune of "I'm ready" from Spongebob.
Dad is figuring out how to play music from his phone over the bluetooth speaker that he just installed.
No one has brushed their teeth.

Here is where I wanted to say I sipped my coffee and smiled, yes, this is the life. Truth. I did not.

I WENT MOMMA APE SHIT!

Mom:
Sam, come show me your hard work that you did.
Louis, a, d, c.
Rian, go sing to your dad and tell him to get his shoes on.

Sam- This is my science experiment!
Louis- It's math homework though...
Rian- It's swim day! It's swim day! Dad, Mom says to get your shoes on!
Dad- Listen to this!

Again I would like to say I inhaled and smiled and tried again... I did not.
I yelled at my husband to turn that... lovely (I definitely used a naughty word) off, NOW!
Told Louis 12, 0, 8
Brought Sam into the kitchen where he could tell me about the picture that he drew for his science experiment.
And dear Rian just kept singing, It's swim day, it's swim day!

All said and done, I don't think everyone brushed their teeth. The boys were late for school.

And honestly, my husband and I have this day to look back at and laugh about. Although it was probably a good thing that it took him a little while to drop all the kids off.

I hope your morning ran a little soother than ours did. OR if it didn't i hope you have an awesome story to laugh at... in a few hours.

{this moment}

{this moment} -  A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

 

Release

I'm joining in on Lisa-Jo baker's 'Five Minute Friday'.
The rules are pretty simple. One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing.

Age jolt here... the phrase 'let it go' actually did not come from the movie Frozen. I'm sure by now if you are a Disney movie fan or have kiddos you have seen the movie Frozen.

***Quick recap on our experience with this movie. While my Mom and brother were visiting us, Nina (my mom) took us all to the movies to see Frozen. By all of us it was my Mom, Uncle Wayne, Uncle Alan, 7 year old, 6 year old, 3 year old and me. Two of us in the group were okay with the movie. The rest of us were ready to leave two songs in. Also I feel like movies that consist of more singing than talking should come with a REALLY BIG WARNING.

The best thing that came out of the movie for us was the song 'Let it go'. These few words have been something that my Grandma said to my Mom, my Mom said them to me and now I'm saying it to my kids. However now, when I say these words our boys they break out in song.

That's release to me in it's purest form though. Let it go. There is so much that we hold onto for some small reason. We make this excuse to ourselves or tell ourselves this little lie. I have to stay in an abusive relationship because... I deserve this treatment from these people because... I can't do that because... I don't deserve that because...

There is something that we all battle with. There comes a point where we tell a friend and they give us that look. You know the look that I'm talking about? It's the girlfriend, let it go, look. They give us that look and realization dawns on us. Why am I holding onto this? It's okay to let this go.

Letting go does not mean that you are giving up. It means you have learned what you needed and it's time to move on.

I'm giving you the girlfriend, let it go, look. Release that thing today. Just... let it go.

{52 Lists} Week 24

Lists, I LOVE lists. I like to write things down on a list so I can see the check mark or line through it. Each week for this year I've been writing a list out on a prompt. I'm hopping over to Paige's site, Moments for the journey, where she has some spectacular prompts for our 52 week lists.

List the adventures you want to have...

- Go ice fishing.
- Photograph the northern lights.
- Drive down route 66.
- Eat pizza in Rome.
- Drink a pint of beer in Ireland.
- Suspended capsule biking at Agroventures Adventure Park
- Go sky diving.
- Take a cannoe camping trip.
- Hike the Pacific Crest Trail.
- Learn how to paddle board.
- I want to travel across the world and breathe the air of new places.
- Retire with an RV and a fresh road map.

{52 Lists} Week Twenty-Two

I'm tagging along on with Moorea Seal as she gives a prompt to each week this year on making a list. Yeah, a list. Some of them are deep, some light hearted, some silly. Check out the lists and join in!

 

Messenger

I'm joining in on Lisa-Jo baker's 'Five Minute Friday'.
The rules are pretty simple. One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing.

There is always a little messenger under my feet. You might have one too. I have more than one and typically what I hear come out of my little messenger is, "MOM! (Insert Brother's name here) hit me", or "MOM! (Insert Brother's name here) wont let me play in his room". I'll be honest typically this gets an eye-roll and a "Mom isn't taking tattletales".

Then there are those rare moments when my little messengers bring a message that hits me right in the heart. "MOM! We have the best family, ever". It's usually right when they get the "MooOOM" sound out that I want to start running away. Again if you have a little messenger you will know the "MoooOOM" sound to which I refer to.

It's these sometimes too rare a moments that I am so thankful for. And then... I think of me. I'm a little messenger to someone too, God. I'm going to guess that he has these moments with this little messenger, "GOD! I didn't get what I wanted", "GOD! What are you doing to me?".

How often does he hear, "GOD! Thank you for our amazing family that you have blessed us with". How often does he do the eye-roll to me? How often does he want to tell me that he isn't taking complaints?

I need to challenge myself into thinking more about what message this little messenger is sending.

Offering

We recently went on a trip to St Louis. By we I mean my father-in law, sister-in law, her husband, their two kiddos, me and the boys. There are obviously many a tales that could be told from this adventure but the one thing I want to tell you is this.

St. Louis Gateway arch. Great adventure for the boys, should you ever get the opportunity to take a ride up... BOOK YOUR TICKET IN ADVANCE. They will recommend that you get there an hour early... DO IT. Also check both sides of the arch entrance to see what side has a shorter line to get checked in. You're welcome.

Of course once you do go an hour early and realize there is one side with no line and get in and have an hour to noodle around you have a few options. For us the options were museum or gift shop. Me being the great mother tried the gift shop first thinking... "If I have to bribe with taking a gift away, they'll have picked it out, it's in my bag, HA!" Naturally they wanted toys that had nothing to do with the arch and me being the mean Mom made them get something that had some type of any resemblance of arch-ness. Sam got a finger squirrel puppet. Hours of laughter that you have to stick your finger up the squirrel's bum. Thanks to whoever invented that. Louis got a Gateway arch activity book. Rian got a keychain. AND my personal favorite the penny smooching machine. EVERY location should have this machine, period.

Naturally all the boys were threatened with not getting their gifts at some point.

We wondered through the museum. Fun picture taking.

We waited in some lines.

More picture taking.

We rode up in a Star Wars like ship thingy.

We looked out some windows for 15 minutes.

Sam freaked out.

Louis loved it.

Rian was confused.

We rode down the Star Wars like ship thingy.

Mission complete.

On the way out though Rian picked up one of the arch maps that they give out. Naturally this free gift was what sparked his fancy. Loves loves loves this map. He likes to show it to Dad who didn't get to come with us. "See Dad, that's the windows", "There's the arch", "This is what it looks like"... I mean hours of checking this map out. Folding and unfolding. He has spent weeks with this map now.

This past Sunday he took the map with him to church, pick your battles okay. He sat in church just holding it, just so. Towards the end of service the offering is taken. We gave the boys each a coin. Rian held the coin in one hand and the map in the other. You could actually see the debate that was occurring. Should I put this coin in the offering or my map? My map that means so very much to me or this coin that magically comes out of Mom's wallet?

The offering plate came by and sure enough he tried to put his map in. Me being the pesky Mom said no and took the map out and Rian put the coin in.

It's when the offering plate had left that I looked down at Rian and he said "The map meant more to me to give than the coin though".

I'm not sure that I can really add any life thoughts to this moment. When's the last time that I gave something so meaningfully?

A map or a coin. He offered up his map because it meant that much more to him.

I know offerings at church are, lets be honest, annoying at times. There's that weird moment when the person next to you looks to see if you're going to put anything in. There's the dude with the fancy plate that watches you pass it down.

Maybe you don't go to church. Maybe it's just walking into the grocery store and being asked to donate a can of food for a food pantry. Do you do it or just walk by?

Do you offer what means more?

June Ten on Ten

One photo, ten hours, on the tenth. Find out more at a bit of sunshine!!! Then join in on the ten on ten photo project.

Mom Feud

I have been wanting to write about this for a while now.

I am a momma. This is a title that I am fiercely proud of. I also know that I am still a rookie mom. Here's the thing though. The mom nation that is out there... it is possibly at times worse than mean girls in high school.  

It starts out all nicey nice, oh your pregnant, welcome to the initiation of the mom club.

Then shit gets real, real fast.

Here are your application questions...

One, are you going to breast feed?
Two, are you going to use cloth or throw away diapers?
Three, what is your birthing plan?
Four, what type of pregnancy diet are you on?

Psh you say. I haven't thought about all that yet. You have immediately been thrown out of the 'Over planner mom group'.

If you answer no to breast feeding the mom club that is in full support of breast feeding turns their back.
If you answer cloth diapers you now pushed away from the throw away diapers.
If you answer c-section, all natural, wing it, give me the meds doc birthing plan you are going to be put in one group and shunned from the others.
If you answer I eat what I eat... be prepared to be attacked by the whole foods only, natural food moms.

Yes, these might be a bit drastic... but just wait, that was just the initiation.

Insert here... sometimes you get bumped up in initiation if you have had fertility challenges. There are a whole variety of questions that no one should ever ask that they absolutely will ask you in this initiation. HAVE FUN!

Okay, you made it through initiation with giving birth via 'Give me the meds doc' option. You chose not to breast feed and are using cloth diapers. You even have a healthy baby even though you choose to intoxicate your body with non-organic produce.

You have now officially made the mom club, here is your membership. Your membership includes: becoming a vampire that doesn't sleep during the day, a chef that will be told your food sucks (Chef Ramsey doesn't have poo on disses), a chauffeur with no fancy hat, a maid (they never get paid respect), a finance guru, party planner, psychologist, teacher (it doesn't just happen at school), laundry operator (cause no one knows how to work that thing), manager and CEO! Also we went ahead and sent you an medical bill cause... you'll always have one of those. Congratulations! Welcome aboard.

With that there is just a few more steps of paperwork...
What type of laundry detergent are you going to use? Think about this. Are you going to just put baby's clothes in the laundry with normal Tide or are you going to buy baby detergent and do a separate load?
Since you... chose... to not breastfeed what bottles and formula will you be using?
Are you going to put your baby on a schedule?
Are you going to use the let your baby cry it out method?

You choose to buy baby detergent, because this is your first baby and you think you'll have time for that... KIDDING (but you see where this is going)!
You're using the most expensive formula and Dr. Brown bottles because you feel like a schmuck now for not breastfeeding.
You don't put baby on a schedule. Someone will gasp at you.
You will not let your child cry it out, you aren't a cruel parent. See that comment, just now that you so casually slipped out... did you see it... the mom club is starting to wear on you.

These are all moderately funny albeit oh so very very unfortunately true. There are also sneaky ones that will get thrown in there sometimes too. For now though lets go with this list and move on to where the real meaty feud goes on in the mom club.

You as a new mom club member and are about to embark on the biggest test. No not the will your children go to public school or will they be home schooled (although that test is alive and well too). The test that is more fierce than that...
To work or to stay home.
DUN DUN DUN

The feuds above were just minor league compared to this one. This, this divide, is alive and well in the mom club. Moms who bought canned baby jar food versus processing their own pureed baby food may be on the same side on this feud. It's that big a deal.

No, seriously. There is this running debate/feud/hatred amongst working and stay at home moms. And my dear ladies... it's just getting worse and worse.

So here's the deal. You as a mom club member can either ultimately be in the working mom side or the SAHM (Stay At Home Mom, fancy title, whoop whoop) side.

There are articles out there that working moms have it harder while sahm have it easy. There are articles out there that sahm have it harder while working moms have it sooo easy. There are articles written by working moms completely putting sahm down. There are articles written by sahm that talk about how shameful it is to work as a mother.

Stop.

We are moms. We bore children either physically or carried them in our hearts until delivered to us. We all had to make choices on cloth diaper, sleep or shower, canned or diy. Some of those choices were made specific for one child while it didn't cut it at all with the other. Give a round of applause for one another. Lift that fellow momma up. She did her research, she listened and she did what she needed to for her child, for her family.

I have been on most all sides of these.

I wanted to do a 'give me the meds doc' delivery with all of my children. It worked out with one and he took 36 hours. Yes, I do want a pat on the back for that, thank you very much. The other two were natural. Yes, I do want a pat on the back for that, thank you very much. This one, there are complications. I don't know if I will get to pick. 

I grew up with my brothers in cloth diapers. I knew when I was a mom I would not do it with my children. So I didn't. Bless you out there that are able to.

I was able to breast feed with Sam until I became pregnant with Louis. With Louis he went to the NICU for so long that I wasn't able to continue breast feeding. With Rian I didn't. I got the formula that made him less gassy and bottles that gave an even flow (side note: when I first bought the bottles I thought this was total BS. It's not. Tip from this rookie mom, splurge on the bottles when or if you can).

I went on a anything I can keep down diet. As in... morning sickness will not leave me, I can't keep food down. Peas and corn for Sam and Lou. Bread for Rian. Currently I am snacking on cookies for Baby L.

Laundry detergent, in the beginning I thought I had to do separate loads of laundry, I tried, I then just did it all together. With Louis it was all together. With Rian, I had to be careful, he had sensitive skin, still does. I have to be cautious of what laundry/bath wash/lotion/anything that touches his skin.

I tried to keep as close to a schedule as I could. I did not bet myself up when we didn't though. For example I was happy when we got nights and days back on the right track with the sun and moon.

I did and do let my children cry it out to an extent. You are the mother you will know when enough is enough. You will know when your child is giving you the fake cry vs real cry vs I am exhausted and just want you cry. Although I know some mommas will even disagree with me on that as well.

I planned on being a stay at home momma.
My Mom planned on being a stay at home mom.
My Granma (yes, there is no d in Granma, that's how we say it) planned on being a stay at home mom.
I think all moms can agree, plans change.

I have been on both sides of this cruel demeaning feud that we put on. I have been a stay at home mom. I know what cruel things can be said about a stay at home mom. I know what grueling, thankless hours are put in. I am a working mom. I know what cruel things can be said about a working mom. I know what grueling, thankless hours are put in. We don't know what reasoning one mom has for working or staying at home. Heaven forbid you be a single mom... wait, I was on that side too. I know what cruel, demoralizing, awful things are said about and to single moms. I know what grueling, thankless hours upon hours are put in.

Each one of these has it's pros and cons list. The pros and cons are so different for each family, for each season in a life. Why put so much extra pressure on another mom when surely you know what that woman is up against working or sahm. You know the same battles. You know what it's like to try to say you social security number and jumble it with your child's. You know what it's like to get milk out and put it in the cupboard. You know what it's like to just not have enough time in the day. You know what it's like to have to use your child's shampoo because you ran out of yours and forgot again to get more from the store. You know what it's like to drop the wrong child off at the wrong sport. You know what it's like.... don't you?

Do you know how much more we could be learning from one another? Instead we have chosen to criticize one another about on working or stay home. Saying a working mom is willingly giving up her time to be away from her children for money. How dare anyone say that! Or saying that a stay at home mom is lazy and does nothing while at home. How dare anyone say that!

 I want to say so badly that I quit. I quit the mom club, but I can't. Once you are in you are locked in and no one wants to change that. I do know that I will not stand for this. I will not be part of something that tears us down so much for absolutely no reason. Tear me down to build me up on a stronger foundation, fine. This, this feud that we have created it doesn't help anyone.


You know what it does teach? It's teaching your children how to view other women. It is teaching our young men how to treat stay at home moms or working moms. It is teaching our young women that you can't be worth anything unless you are a working mom or a stay at home mom. This battle, this feud only we can stop it. The reason we can stop it is because we are teaching it, we are passing on the feud to our sons and daughters.

I'm taking my stand. I will teach my sons to respect women and moms for who they are, not the title that the mom club has bestowed upon them.

{52 Lists} Week 23

Lists, I LOVE lists. I like to write things down on a list so I can see the check mark or line through it. Each week for this year I've been writing a list out on a prompt. I'm hoping over to Paige's site, Moments for the journey, where she has some spectacular prompts for our 52 week lists.

List your pet peeves

- Drivers that leave their blinkers on.
- People who stare in the car. You're driving, focus! 
- Being rude (not using please, thank you, hello, good bye...)
- Using uh, um, ah, aaa, lip smacking REPEATEDLY when speaking. Essentially is your job is to give lectures.
- The scrapping noise that's made when you scrap a utensil on teeth when eating.
- Using the R word.
- Using the word gay to describe anything other than what it really means.
- Arguments over someone's opinion, feeling or their position. Everyone is intitled to his or her opinion, listen to it, you might learn something new.
- Leaving the toilet seat up.
- When at the gym and there are 12 other treadmills and the person takes the one right next to you.
- No toilet paper. You know you took the last bit, replace it!
- Abbreviating a whole sentence. No I don't know what lshidmt. Don't get me wrong, OMGoodness or lol or brb simple common abreviations don't bother me. It's the whole sentence that I'm supposed to figure out, either type it or don't send it.
- Using abbreviations while speaking. You don't need to say lol, I heard you laugh.

My personal pet peeves, that I do that irritate me...

- Having a point to make and forgetting a word. I'm constantly asking my husband, "You know that one place with the lights and the tree that we ate at'... thank goodness he is so good at sherades.
- Saying sorry, when I'm not sorry. Example... instead of sorry I should be saying excuse me.
- Twirrling my hair.
- Double, tripple checking that I have the car keys in my purse before I lock the door.
- Washing my hair and then falling asleep with the towel on my head.

{this moment}

{this moment} -  A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

 

Hands

I'm joining in on Lisa-Jo baker's 'Five Minute Friday'.
The rules are pretty simple. One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing.

Sometimes they get forgotten these hands of mine. Sure I put lotion on them every now and then. I get my nails painted occasionally.

It's when you can't hold your husband's hand.
It's when you can't caress your sons back.
It's when fixing you hair goes from a 30 minute job to an hour job.
It's when your work doubles at your job because typing and multi-button commands take forever.
It's when tying a shoe lace seems impossible.
That's when I notice how much I rely on these hands of mine.

These hands that comfort a child when they are sick.
These hands that rub a husbands back after a long day.
These hands that hold a warm cup of coffee on a cold day.
These hands that are used day in and day out.
These hands that welcome our guests.
These hands that prune up after doing dishes in the sink.
These hands that fold to say prayers.

How spectacular one little body part is. When your without it for just a short time how lost you feel.

We used to play this game in youth group. One person was the eyes and arms, while you partner was the ears and feet. The one had to instruct the other what to do so he didn't fall or run into anything. The idea behind the activity was that without one part of the body you suffer. When the whole body works together it's as it should be.

I remember totally being into Audio Adrenaline. One song that really touched my heart as a youth was Hands and Feet. I went on mission trips and loved them. Learning some very important life lessons. Meeting such amazing people. When I listened to it today, I didn't get the feeling that I need to sign up for the next trip. To me, today it meant more to use what I have where I am right now. I don't have to be over-seas to use my hands for his good work. I'm not saying that maybe one day I wont. I'm saying today I have been blessed with being here state side with my family. I need to make sure that I use my hands and feet in the here and now.

My challenge for myself today, whatever I may be involved in today, may I invest my whole self into it. My heart, my hands, my mind, my feet.

May's Photo A Day

No rules. Just a prompt and a camera. Check out Chantelle's photo a day challenge.