The rules are pretty simple. One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing.
Have you ever felt an emotion and been so... unsure as to how others will think of it that you say nothing? I'm raising my hand on this one. The thing is... I recently found something out and was so very sad. I'm 99.9% positive that everyone else would react all happy, butterflies and rainbows. I have told litteraly about four people the way I actually feel. More than I had originally thought I would.
It got me thinking though... why are we so ashamed of our feelings. For me the loudest thought that comes to mind is judgement. I am so scared of how people will receive what I feel that I say nothing.
I went through/ going through the struggle of OMGoodness... I am the only person in the world that would EVER react this way, I am a terrible person. Can I just say, thank you Lord for podcasts and blogs! I have only been looking for a few weeks on how to deal with the emotion and there are some oh so brave ladies out there that have gone through this same thing.
So. Today instead of saying nothing. I'm going to say it. This is our fourth pregnancy, we have three boys. This Momma was desperately wanting a girl, we are having a boy. I am sad.
We are not alone... and we all have SOMETHING to share, to be, to live.
ReplyDeleteI've been there! I have four girls! When my fourth was born (in India) all the little old Indian ladies were comforting me because I was crying, they said, it's OK, it's OK. They were comforting me because she was a baby girl - not a prized boy. I said, I'm not crying because of that, I'm crying because I'm just so happy it's all over. (I hated pushing those babies out.) :)
ReplyDeleteYou're not the only one. I, too, have said nothing because I was afraid of how my feelings would be received.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I haven't shared your experience, I think I can understand about being disappointed and sad. Even without knowing you, I believe you're going to love this boy unconditionally. You'll wonder what you ever did before he was born. He'll be a blessing to you and your family. In the meantime, I'm praying for you.
Oh that self talk...how it likes to beat us up, right? I applaud your bravery and honesty. I chose "HONEST" as my One Word for this year so I've been doing a lot of honest stuff, but afraid. I'm finding it's better though so I'm with ya! Nice post.
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